I pride myself in being a pretty good writer, which is highly supported by my personal experience, honesty, and integrity. This is the criteria I have given myself to be able to say, “I am a writer!” With that being said, I must embarrassingly share the following entry. Not doing so would not be honest as to my experience on the HCG Weight Loss Program, and I would have to take myself out of the writer’s lineup.
It started Monday afternoon. I was extremely low on energy, and I wasn’t really sure why. I had worked all weekend, but my work was energizing and engaging. I ate lunch and flipped on the television to watch a Sherlock Holmes rerun, while I checked my email. I clicked on one of the MSN videos of the tsunami that hit Japan several days ago and watched intently.
The images replayed in my mind and throughout the evening. I tried to focus on my upcoming class assignment; however, getting some homework done was out of the question, because it would only add fuel to the natural disaster that had occurred. I am enrolled in the GreenMBA program (Sustainable Enterprise) at Dominican University of California. In our last session, I sat through two, four-hour classes of the state of our world. I came home wiped out and overwhelmed.
It was late at night. I gave myself a shot of the HCG serum in my left thigh and jumped in bed with a hot cup of CALM, a great stress reducing drink while on the HCG Weight Loss Program that supplies my body with calcium and magnesium. My stomach grumbled and my mind instantly traveled back to the kitchen to rummage through the shelves to look for comfort food. I picked up the novel I had been reading for the past three nights, which was delivering exciting passages and a great distraction away from my evening food habits. I also knew within a short period of time, the growling in my stomach would subside, and I would be sound asleep in bed and the novel slumbering on the floor.
I woke up depressed. It took everything in me to drag myself to The Bar Method to workout. After class, my instructor asked me if I was okay and if there was anything she could do to help. I tried to hide my low point, but I guess I didn’t do a very good job of it. I didn’t know what was wrong. I had not been that low in a long, long time. I usually caught myself before I fell too far, but my mood was slowing getting out of reach.
I called home to tell Frank I was running away to figure things out. He understood. Then my dear friend, Suzanna Stinnett, called to fill me in on her weight loss challenges. We were both wading through some very thick, murky emotional energy. Not only did she understand, Suzanna shared some insights that I had not thought about regarding the shift our planet experienced due to the earthquake(s), which were affecting everyone on earth whether they realized it or not. The global disasters were psychically larger than we could handle.
I wanted to be alone and drove up to Healdsburg, about 60 miles North on 101. No one knows me up there, and I would have me all to myself. Healdsburg was home away from home for a long time throughout my undergraduate studies. Today, it was going to provide me the comfort I needed while I journaled my way through my emotions that were collecting in my throat.
By the end of the day, I had exhausted myself by capturing thought after thought and filling up the blank pages of my journal trying not to leave any stone unturned. I was able to work out several things that were weighing heavy on my shoulders. I also realized that the tragedies that happen around the world were affecting me, and I was shutting down. My global neighbors are going through hell. To them, it must feel like the end of the world. I had taken in the devastation, and all I could do was pray for all of Japan.
The anger dissipated; the dark cloud of depression that my instructor had seen surrounding me earlier this morning had lifted; and I was an hour away from home. The pit of my stomach was empty – so empty, I knew the emergency apple in my purse was not going to satisfy the nausea that was stirring from not eating and drinking too much coffee. I was hungry and only footsteps away from the gastronomical haven of Healdsburg.
It had been raining steady throughout the day, and as I ran to my car to put my computer and journal away, I decided to go for a walk around the Healdsburg Square and do some window shopping with my camera. My attempt to distract my hunger didn’t work, and I made a conscious decision to go off the HCG diet for the day and eat something grounding. I knew I was going to have to write about my experience or give up my plume. I chalked my lack of resolve to “being human.” In a way I was celebrating life, my mountain overcome, the fact that I had lost half of my desired weight so far on the HCG diet, and letting my body know that I could hear what she was telling me, “I came through for you, now nourish me,” and I did.
As I walked around from restaurant to restaurant reading the menus displayed outside their establishments, I thought about Dr. Mager. I have to tell him I detoured off the HCG diet. I didn’t want him to be disappointed in me. I don’t know where that thought came from, because he has never been anything but supportive. Dr. Mager has always honored the “human” side of me and treated my whole being – my mind, body, emotions, and spirituality. I consoled myself by telling myself that he would probably say go ahead and feed myself then get back on track tomorrow.
I was soaking wet from my walk when I ventured into the HBG, the Healdsburg Bar & Grill, just off the Healdsburg Square. This is where the HCG Diet met the HBG Menu displayed outside the front door. Cozy inside, I ordered their Black Angus Natural Beef cheese burger with grilled onions, a bucket of fries, and a local draft beer. I ate the burger with gusto, only scratched the surface of the fries, but polished off the beer, which turned out to be a local favorite: Boont Amber Ale. After a few hours and another cup of coffee, I did a little more window shopping with my camera until I felt it was safe to venture back home.
When I reached home, I went straight to bed and continued reading the novel where I left off the night before, fell asleep, and woke up briefly at 4:44 a.m. still full from dinner – and it felt good.
Barbara Bonardi
WINDOW SHOPPING with MY CAMERA
A Shot At Weight Loss 